It has been a very strange week. A week of success, disappointment and surprises. I can't talk about the surprises quite yet but when I can I will. Never been one of secrets, even though I suspect I have plenty of them (I just forget!)

Whatever way I look at it there is a large period of change is ahead here at BeeBee Towers. A time for reflection, a time for action, a time for structure. I truly am excited (and if I'm truthful exceedingly nervous) to see what this new lifestyle will bring.

There is also a return to something I had pre-children, time. Time to do things for me. Six years of doing things for the boys in my house. Six years of putting the Thing 1 and later Thing 2 first. Yes they are still my priority. But, if I carry on the way I have been I'll burn out, I'm already horrendous to live with on a Saturday.

However, I'm now facing those dilemmas that many other working mothers face, Childcare. Where to send them, what to do, who is the right person? I don't have any family near by. I do however have some fabulous friends. Thankfully most of the year the boys are in school. I have found a lovely girl who will take care of them on a Monday, and one of my best friends will have them on Wednesdays.

These were tough decisions, I haven't used any real childcare in the last 6 years, apart from the 9 months Thing 1 spent at Mother Outlaw's Creche one day a week, it's not the reason we have children to hand them over to others to care for. But looking back it's always happened. Now it has a name.

When I was 6 or 7 I remember there would be 4 children at the breakfast table at my Mum's house. I was an only child so I know full well they weren't siblings. What it was, in now speak, was a breakfast club. We all would have porridge with syrup and walk to infant school together. After school I would go to my Grandparent's house next to the school

This also happened before the 70s. It is a community, a neighbourhood. Something that is sadly lacking these days, yet also appears to be returning. For this I am grateful and I pray that this trend continues so when my boys have their own families that a sense community has returned and people will be there for each other.

I am, in general, a rather gregarious person. I on a whole like people, I like to be surrounded by people and those I love. However, I also have times when I crave peace. I like solitude, I like time on my own, to hear my blood pump through my ears rather than thoughts or the sound of my own voice.

I am at the moment finding the balance between those sides at the moment very difficult to manage. Part of me wants to stay in my PJs with a nice coffee. a good book and a blanket. The other part is screaming come on get moving just do something. I don't know which voice to listen to.

Tomorrow is a day full of change, my youngest boy - Thing 2 - starts at Infant School. At present he is only there in the afternoon, but in 2 weeks he will be there full time. This means that I will get that peace that my heart and head is craving. But now what do I do with that time? How to I fill it wisely?

Do I get myself organised at long last? Do I return to a normal pattern in my professional life?

There are so many questions, so many expectations. From me, about me. What to do? This is when I'm not so keen on being a grown up.

It's been a busy weekend, and a tricky one too.

As someone with a slight bend towards controlling things my bi-monthly nightmare rose its head... a visit to the Outlaws. Don't get me wrong, they are lovely people and I love them to bits, but their cooking leaves a lot to be desired. Syn-filled and mushy. And horrifyingly the Things both love eating Ma Outlaw's Sunday Dinner (were the best bit I fear is the gravy and brown sauce combo).

Anyhoo, I have been trawling the internet and came across this recipe on one of my favourite blogs Mmm Sauce which in turn has come from Mama Pea

So once I had worked out what Nutritional Yeast was (a type of vegan cheese - who knew?) and gotten hold of a similar product (that tastes/feels very similar feta) I made a batch of this super flavourful sauce, once I had gotten over the heart attack from actually pouring 60ml of olive oil into something.

Makes 300ml  1.5 syns per tbsp and tastes a lot like caeser dressing at a fraction of the syn.

• 60ml EVOO
• 28g almonds
• 80 -100ml water
• 28g chickpeas, drained and rinsed
• 28g cheezly cheese
• 2 1/2 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 tsp minced garlic
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 tbsp curry powder
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 tsp dried cilantro

• Note: this recipe will keep covered in the fridge for 7-10 days
• In a high speed blender or food processor, combine oil, almonds, water and chickpeas. Blend until  smooth.
• Add remaining ingredients and blend until smooth.
• Transfer to a small bowl and refrigerate until serving.

If it seems a bit thick after being in the fridge add a little more water and whisk.

It's recipes like this that really sparks my interest in vegitarianism and veganism, but then there is chicken and bacon.

What blogs inspire you to make recipes?